一分钟英语小笑话大全

时间：2016-10-10 11:14:34 来源：免费论文网

篇一：英语幽默小笑话大全

英语幽默小笑话大全

1.a kiss

At a dinner party, the speaker, who was the guest of honor, was about to deliver a speech when his wife sitting at the other end of the table, sent him a piece of paper with the word "KISS" scribbled on it.

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

2.A teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

Little Johnny then stood up.

The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"

一个老师在对学生们讲心理学，“谁认为自己蠢就站起来？”她一开始就说。

小约翰尼站了起来。

“你认为你很蠢吗，小约翰尼？”老师问。

“不是的，老师，我只是不喜欢看你一个人站着。”

3.a great man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

4Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog. He asks the shopkeeper, "Does

your dog bite?" The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite." The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him. "Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!" The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."

6.Policeman: Why didn't you shout for help when you were robbed of your watch?

Man: If I had opened my mouth, they'd have found my four gold teeth. That would be much worse.

警察：有人抢你的手表时，你为什么不呼救呢？男子：要是我张口的话，他们就会发现我的四颗

金牙。那就更糟了。

7.The little girl did not like the look of the barking dog.

"It's all right," said a gentleman, "don't be afraid. Don't you know the proverb: Barking dogs don't bite?"

"Ah, yes," answered the little girl. "I know the proverb, but does the dog know the proverb, too?"

一个小女孩非常不喜欢狗狂叫的样子。

“没有关系，”一位先生说，“不用害怕，你知道这条谚语吗：‘吠狗不咬人。’”

“啊，我是知道，可是狗也知道吗？”

8.Class and Ass

篇二：英语小笑话大全

英语小笑话大全

1、He Won Tommy: How is your little brother Johnny Johnny: He is ill in bed. He hurt himself. Tommy: Thats too bad. How did that happen Johnny: We played who could lean furthest out of the window and he won. 他赢了汤姆约翰尼你小弟弟好吗约翰尼他害病卧床了。他受了伤。汤姆真糟糕怎么回事儿约翰尼我们做游戏看谁能把身子探出窗外最远他赢了。

2、I Have His Ear in My Pocket Ivan came home with a bloody nose and his mother asked What happened

A kid bit me replied Ivan. Would you recognize him if you saw him again asked his mother. Id know him any where said Ivan. I have his ear in my pocket. 他的耳朵在我衣兜里伊凡鼻子流着血回到家里。他妈妈问“发生了什么事” “一个男孩咬了我一口”伊凡说。 “再见到他你能认出来吗”妈妈问。 “他走到哪里我都能认出他”伊凡说。“他的耳朵还在我衣兜里呢。”

3、A Good Boy Little Robert asked his mother for two cents. What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday I gave it to a poor old woman he answered. Youre a good boy said the mother proudly. Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman She is the one who sells the candy. 好孩子小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。 “昨天给你的钱干什么了” “我给了一个可怜的老太婆”他回答说。 “你真是个好孩子”妈妈骄傲地说。“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢” “她是个卖糖果的。”

4、Drunk One day a father and his little son were going home. At this age the boy was interested in all kinds of things and was always asking questions. Now he asked Whats the meaning of the word Drunk dad Well my son his father replied look there are standing two policemen. If I regard the two policemen as four then I am drunk. But dad the boy said theres only ONE policeman 醉酒一天父亲与小儿子一道回家。这个孩子正处于那种对什么事都很感兴趣的年龄老是有提不完的问题。他向父亲发问道“爸爸‘醉’字是什么意思” “唔孩子”父亲回答说“你瞧那儿站着两个警察。如果我把他们看成了四个那么我就算醉了。” “可是爸爸 ”孩子说“那儿只有一个警察呀”

5、Hospitality The hostess apologized to her unexpected guest for serving an apple-pie without any cheese. The little boy of the family left the room quietly for a moment and returned with a piece of cheese which he laid on the guests plate. The visitor smiled put the cheese into his mouth and then said: You must have better eyes than your mother sonny. Where did you find the cheese In the rat-trap sir replied the boy. 好客由于客人在吃苹果馅饼时家里没有奶酪了于是女主人向大家表示歉意。这家的小男孩悄悄地离开了屋子。过了一会儿他拿着一片奶酪回到房间把奶酪放在客人的盘子里。客人微笑着把奶酪放进嘴里说“孩子你的眼睛就是比你妈妈的好。你在哪里找到的奶酪” “在捕鼠夹上先生。”那小男孩说。

6、Nest and Hair My sister a primary school teacher was informed by one of her pupils that a

bird had built its nest in the tree outside the classroom. What kind of bird my sister asked. I didnt see the bird ma am only the nest replied the child. Then can you give us a description of the nest my sister encouraged her . Well maam it just resembles your hair. Notes: 1 inform v.告诉 2 nest n.窝巢 3 description n.描述 4 encourage v.鼓励 5 resemble v. 相似类似

7、鸟窝与头发我姐姐是一位小学老师。一次一个学生告诉她说一只鸟儿在教室外的树上垒了个窝。 “是什么鸟呢”我姐姐问她。 “我没看到鸟儿老师只看到鸟窝。”那孩子回答说。 “那么你能给我们描述一下这个鸟巢吗”我姐姐鼓励她道。 “哦老师就像你的头发一样。” Ive Just Bitten My Tongue Are we poisonous the young snake asked his mother. Yes dear she replied - Why do you ask Cause Ive just bitten my tongue Notes: 1 poisonous adj.有毒的 2 Cause Ive just bitten my tongue 因为我刚咬了自己的舌头。句中 Cause 是 Because 的缩略形式。

8、我刚咬破自己的舌头 “我们有毒吗”一个年幼的蛇问它的母亲。 “是的亲爱的”她回答说“你问这个干什么” “因为我刚刚咬破自己的舌头。” A Woman Who Fell It was rush hour and I was dashing to a train in New York Citys Grand Central Terminal - As I neared the gate a plump middle-aged woman sprinted up from behind lost her footing on the smooth marble floor and slid onto her back. Her momentum carried her close to my shoes. Before I could help her however she had scrambled up. Gaining her composure she winked at me and said Do you always have beautiful women failing at your feet 9、摔倒的女人上下班高峰期我匆匆奔向纽约豪华中心站去赶一趟火车。接近门口一位肥胖的中年妇女从后面冲过来没想到在平滑的大理石地面上失了脚仰面滑倒了。她的惯性使她接近了我的脚。我正准备扶她她却自己爬了起来。她镇定了一下对我挤了一下眉说道“总是有漂亮女人拜倒在你脚下吗”

10、Q: Whats the difference between a monkey and a flea A: A monkey can have fleas but a flea cant have monkeys. 猴子会和跳蚤有什么不同呢你可能会直接的想到它们俩是一大一小。但除此之外呢那就是猴子身上可以长跳蚤而跳蚤身上却不能有猴子。这个答案很有意思吧

11、Q: How can you most irritate a farmer A: By treading on his corn 如果你踩了农夫的玉米或是谷物他肯定会生气的而如果你踩了农夫脚底的鸡眼他会更生气。Corn既可以表示“玉米/谷物”也有“鸡眼”的意思。

12、Q: Which is the strongest creature in the world A: The snail. It carries its house on its back. 因为snail蜗牛的后背上总是背着一所房子所以说蜗牛是世界上最强壮的生物是不足为奇的。你说呢

13、Q: What do people do in a clock factory A: They make faces all day. 一看到make faces这个短语你可千万别以为是在钟表厂工作的人整天都做鬼脸呀因为除了这个意思以外它还可以从字面上解释为制造钟面。

14、Q: How do you stop a sleepwalker from walking in his sleep A: Keep him awake. 怎样才能不让梦游者sleepwalker梦游walk in his sleep呢最简单的方法就是不让他睡觉。虽然这不是治疗方法但如果让梦游者醒着呢他的确就不会去梦游了。

15、He is really somebody -- My uncle has 1000 men under him. -- He is really somebody. What does he do -- A maintenance man in a cemetery. 他真是一个大人物 -- 我叔叔下面有1000个人。 -- 他真是一个大人物。干什么的 -- 墓地守墓人。

16、Not long after an old Chinese woman came back to China from her visit to her daughter in the States she went to a city bank to deposit the US dollars her daughter gave her. At the bank counter the clerk checked each note carefully to see if the money was real. It made the old lady out of patience. At last she could not hold any more uttering. Trust me Sir and trust the money. They are real US dollars. They are directly from America. 它们是从美国直接带来的一位中国老妇人在美国看望女儿回来不久到一家市银行存女儿送给她的美元。在银行柜台银行职员认真检查了每一张钞票看是否有假。这种做法让老妇人很不耐烦最后实在忍耐不住说“相信我先生也请你相信这些钞票。这都是真正的美元它们是从美国直接带来的。”

17、my little dog cant read Mrs. Brown: Oh my dear I have lost my precious little dog Mrs. Smith: But you must put an advertisement in the papers Mrs. Brown: Its no use my little dog cant read. 我的狗不识字布朗夫人哦亲爱的我把珍爱的小狗给丢了史密斯夫人可是你该在报纸上登广告啊布朗夫人没有用的我的小狗不认识字。”

18、Bring me the winner -- Waiter this lobster has only one claw. -- Im sorry sir. It must have been in a fight. -- Well bring me the winner then. 给我那个打赢的吧 -- 服务员这个龙虾只有一只爪。 -- 对不起先生这只肯定打过架了。 -- 哦那给我那个打赢的吧。

19、The mean mans party. The notorious cheap skate finally decided to have a party. Explaining to a friend how to find his apartment he said Come up to 5M and ring the doorbell with your elbow. When the door open push with your foot. Why use my elbow and foot Well gosh was the reply Youre not coming empty-hangded are you 吝啬鬼请客一个出了名的吝啬鬼终于决定要请一次客了。他在向一个朋友解释怎么找到他家时说“你上到五楼找中间那个门然后用你的胳膊肘按门铃。门开了之后再用你的脚把门推开。” “为什么要用我的肘和脚呢” “你的双手得拿礼物啊。天哪你总不会空着手来吧”吝啬鬼回答。

20.Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning Johnny and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that Johnny: Well I suppose it was so dark that I didn’t notice the other. 妈妈约翰尼我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗约翰尼嗯我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。幽默笑话

21.A little boy was practicing his violin while his father sat reading the newspaper. The family dog began to howl along dismally. Finally the father could endure the combination no more and said Cant you play something the dog doesnt know 一个小男孩在练习小提琴他的父亲在读报纸。随着小男孩的琴声家里养的狗也开始高一声低一声的叫起来。最后小男孩的父亲实在忍不下去了说“难道你就不能拉一些狗听不懂的曲子吗”

22.The zoo built a special eight-foot-high enclosure for its newly acquired kangaroo but the next morning the animal was found hopping around outside. The height of the fence was increased to 15 feet but the kangaroo got out again. Exasperated the zoo director had the height increased to 30 feet but the kangaroo still escaped. A giraffe asked the kangaroo How high do you think theyll build the fence I dont know said the kangaroo. Maybe a thousand feet if they keep leaving the gate unlocked. 动物园为刚引进的袋鼠建了一个特殊的八英尺高的围墙。但是第二天早上人们发现这动物在围墙外面蹦跳着。于是围墙高度增加到十五英尺但袋鼠还是跑了出来。动物园经理甚感恼火又叫人把围墙高度加到三十英尺但袋鼠还是逃了出来。一个长颈鹿问袋鼠“你认为他们会把围墙建到多高”

篇三：英语幽默小笑话大全

英语幽默小笑话大全

1.a kiss

The guest seated next to the speaker said, "Your wife must love you very much, I see her send you a 'KISS' before you begin your speech."

The speaker smiled and explained, "You don't know my wife. The 'KISS' she give me stands for 'Keep It Short, Stupid.'"

2.a great man

Teacher: Would Shakespeare be a great man if he were still alive today?

Student: Of course. He must be a great man, for so far nobody has lived to over 400 years.

一名伟人

老师：如果莎士比亚还活着，他会是一名伟人吗？

学生：当然。因为到目前为止，还没有人活到400多岁。

3.buying your ticket

Three engineers and three accountants are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three accountants each buy tickets and watch as the three engineers buy only a single ticket.

"How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asks an accountant. "Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. They all board the train. The accountants take their respective seats but all three engineers cram into a restroom and close the door behind them.

Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on.

The accountants saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the accountants decide to copy the engineers on the return trip and save some money (being clever with money, and all!) When they get to the station they buy a single ticket for the return trip.

To their astonishment, the engineers don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket?" says one perplexed accountant.

"Watch and you'll see," answers an engineer. When they board the train the three accountants cram into a restroom and the three engineers cram into another one nearby. The train departs.

Shortly afterward, one of the engineers leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the accountants are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "ticket, please."

Two Cute dogs

A man walks into a shop and sees a cute little dog.

He asks the shopkeeper, "Does your dog bite?"

The shopkeeper says, "No, my dog does not bite."

The man tries to pet the dog and the dog bites him.

"Ouch," he says, "I thought you said your dog does not bite!"

The shopkeeper replies, "That is not my dog."